We used to have a monster living in our house. Under Charlie's bed actually, and he wouldn't come out. He was there for a few weeks, and caused all sorts of disruption in the middle of the night. Sometimes he made Charlie cry. Once he even wee’d in Charlie's bed.
Charlie was terrified, and asked if we could call the police. Apparently the police do not have a monster department, so I promised to tackle the monster myself. He looked at me as if I was insane, but once I had donned my oven gloves, a superhero's cape and my husband's cricket box, he knew I meant business. He looked at me with renewed respect, perhaps even with awe, and not a hint of pity. This was serious stuff, and mum was the hero. Usually I'm just a bossy old lady who makes him eat his vegetables, but on that day, he told me I was brave, and that he'd find me a bandage, if I got bitten. That's what mummies do, right? We go into battle for our puppies, and we'd fight to the death. Even against monsters.
So I took my saucepan for protection, in case the monster got agro, and in my cowboy holster was a little squirty bottle labelled "Monster Sauce". Now, to you and me, Monster Sauce is just water with a dash of green food colouring for effect. As far as Charlie is concerned, however, it is the deadliest venom known to even the toughest, scariest monsters. One spray is all it takes. That night, as Charlie cowered in the doorway, I did what any mother would do, and totally kicked that monster's butt!
Charlie sleeps peacefully at night now, and he thinks I'm a superhero... oh, and the voice of Elmo, but that's a story for another time. We haven't had any problems with monsters since then. But I'll be waiting for them, if they try.