New Year's resolutions need a new resolution

Every coffee I drink these days seems to be accompanied by chat about what the new year might hold, and what my friends and I might do differently. I'm not a a philosopher, nor am a believer in resolutions for the sake of resolutions, but I cannot help but wonder...

Lord knows there have been times when I wished I could change things with the snap of my fingers. I tried it, and it didn't work. Realistically, if you want things to change, you actually have to put in the time. You have to really want them to change, and it has to be within your power to change them. It's worth noting that wanting your husband to change isn't enough to make it happen. He has to want to change, but that's a subject for another time!

Having a goal is crucial to change, but if it's too big and scary, you'll want to run and hide from it. Tweaking here and there is more likely to lead to effective and durable change, and being realistic and celebrating each minor attainment will help you stay on track. Before you know it, you'll be half way there, and it won't have hurt as much as you expected.

But before you list everything about yourself that you feel you need to change, bear in mind that making new year's resolutions can often be an exercise in self flagellation. Many of us take this time as an opportunity to count up and lament what we consider to be our failings, rather than stopping to acknowledge our successes and to celebrate the advances we have made. And we have. So please don't forget them so readily.

Look at yourself through the eyes of your husband, your kids and your best friend. Think about what they see, through their more generous eyes, and ask yourself, “do I really need to change?” They rather like you as you are. Maybe you should too.